Today is Keegan's golden birthday. He said he doesn't feel any different, but I do! It's like a rite of passage or something....I. have. an. 18. year. old. I cannot get it through my head. If he's 18, how old does that make the rest of us? You can do the math, perhaps you'll be as shocked as I am.
This picture was taken when he was a few days old. Born 10 weeks premature, he weighs 3 lbs. 9 ou if you include the weight of the ball.
One day while visiting the NICU, I distinctly heard him ask for a baseball. I called my husband and he brought his from when he was a child. Keegan's breathing slowed and became even. He was at peace.
Thanks to my ability to hear and interpret the chatter of a week old baseball player, Keeg grew up to be a 6'1 pitcher. We kicked that preemie stuff to the curb and never looked back.
He's also a darn fine person. We are blessed beyond reason by the man he has become.
Happy Birthday Googs! You'll always be our baby.
"Pitchers Like Poets Are Born Not Made" - Cy Young
You hear it from teachers, instructors, coaches and especially from experts on boys.
"Competition is natural."
Just because it's natural doesn't always make it acceptable. For example, I may naturally have some gray hair, but that don't mean it's right!
Competition among family members can be one of the most detrimental relational experiences. In competition, there is always a winner and a loser. Efforts to gain approval often lead to constant striving, winning at any cost and low self-esteem.
In competition, someone always feels left out, second best, last or undervalued. In families where the members experience these emotions, certain members will give up, give in and withdraw. It's difficult to be a strong family when one or more members are always striving to be the center of attention, or the "winner" if you will.
That said, competition is a great way for the family to bond. The natural competition occurs in trying to better the family as a whole. Setting goals, dreaming together and succeeding at family projects, strengthen family ties.
Those are the ties that bind.
Strong families play together, and win as a whole, so they'll stay together.
By now you've probably heard about Joel, who refused to wrestle a girl and thus had to forfeit the match.
He walked away because of his faith. He believes in respecting women and didn't feel he could do that by wrestling.
Rick Reilly, a noted ESPN columnist wrote a demeaning story (http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/news/story?id=6136707) about why Joel should have wrestled her. He says the young woman "relishes the violence" and "loathes being protected."
So, she's asking for it Rick? I didn't realize that if we decide a woman is asking to be disrespected that it's okay to do whatever we want to her, because she "deserves it" since she asked for it.
I thought we'd been trying to fight against those messages for a long time.
The world needs a whole lot more real men like Joel. He is a man who stands up for what he believes in, based on who he is, not on who other people may or may not be. Whether the young woman wanted to be respected and defended or not, Joel chose the right way based on his convictions and beliefs.
Integrity and respect mean more to Joel than a wrestling title. My mom taught me that you'll never regret being nice to people. Joel's conviction and kindness will take him a lot further than any wrestling title ever could.
The whine of the garbage truck squealed for too long in front of our house. I had overfilled the large receptacle and walked to the window with dread. Sure enough, the driver was out of the truck, picking up trash. Just as I went to help him, he reared back and kicked the can five feet.
“He just kicked the can down the street,” I yelled to our 14 -year -old son as I hurried to find my shoes so I could outside to have a word with him. At the very least I was going to call his superiors to complain; nobody kicks our can.
By the time I got to the end of the driveway though, the can sat upright and the trash truck was gone. I picked up the remaining trash and turned to go inside.
I was met by our huffing 6', 215 pound seventeen -year -old. When our middle boy saw me go outside, he went to rally his brothers.
“Where is he?”
“He’s gone honey, but he picked up the can,” I said.
“I’m going to find him, you don’t do that,” he said while looking up and down the street.
“It’s okay, let’s just let it go.”
It was like talking down a prize- fighter facing his biggest opponent, but somehow I convinced him to go inside.
As we walked back, I was struck by the protective hearts boys have. I am so used to defending them, protecting and softening the blow, that I didn’t even question charging outside to confront a visibly angry man.
In Ephesians 5:25, God commands husbands to love their wives. A big part of loving is protecting. I realized my boys are not going to kick into protection mode the day they are married. It is up to me to allow them to be the protector; to respect the way God has wired them to treat all women.
When they are young, we encourage imaginary play that allows them to be the hero. As they grow and playing pretend isn’t as acceptable, opportunities to singlehandedly save the world are put away with childish things.
Our boys are 17, 14 and 12. The need to be the hero in a world where there aren’t many, is more critical than ever. The acknowledgement of their warrior hearts and the way God has wired them is validating, freeing and respectful to a young man.
The “angry trash man” was an opportunity to let the boys defend and protect. I have to proactively look for situations where the boys can be heroes. Then someday, they'll be heroes to their wife and children.
Many books about raising boys have been nailing the concept. Flight Plan is the latest to do just that. God gave us our lives as the great adventure and He has especially hard -wired boys and men to live lives of wonderful, deep, scary, adventure. It's easy to lose sight of this as we try to control the world our sons, husbands, brothers and friends live in. Ladies, we should read Flight Plan, to teach and/or remind us how to help our men return to their first love.
It is time for a FIRST Wild Card Tour book review! If you wish to join the FIRST blog alliance, just click the button. We are a group of reviewers who tour Christian books. A Wild Card post includes a brief bio of the author and a full chapter from each book toured. The reason it is called a FIRST Wild Card Tour is that you never know if the book will be fiction, non~fiction, for young, or for old...or for somewhere in between! Enjoy your free peek into the book!
You never know when I might play a wild card on you!
***Special thanks to Audra Jennings, Senior Media Specialist, The B&B Media Group for sending me a review copy.***
ABOUT THE AUTHORS:
Lee Burns is the headmaster at Presbyterian Day School, an independent school serving over 630 boys in grades PK-6 in Memphis. In addition, Burns is vice-president and on the executive committee of the Elementary School Headmasters Association (a group of approximately 200 headmasters around the country) and is a member of the Country Day School Headmasters Association and the Visionary Heads Group. He served as a task force member to help the National Association of Independent Schools (NAIS) develop Principles of Good Practice for Middle School Educators. In addition, he has been a presenter at annual conferences of the National Association of Independent Schools, the International Boys' School Coalition, and the Elementary School Headmasters Association.
Burns plays tennis and enjoys squash and most any sport, as well as reading and writing. Lee is married to Sarah, and they have three children. They are members of Second Presbyterian Church, where he serves as a deacon.
Braxton Brady is the chaplain of Presbyterian Day School (PDS) in Memphis, TN. Before coming to PDS, he worked as Bible teacher, athletic director, and assistant principal at Central Day School in Collierville, Tennessee. Brady has served on the boards of various inner city ministries in Memphis. He is a graduate of the Emerging Leaders Program, a program that helps disciple and develop spiritual leaders in the city of Memphis, and founder of Strategic Dads, a ministry that seeks to provide fathers with practical ways to disciple their sons and lead their families.
Brady enjoys spending time with his family, serving in the inner city, and playing golf. He is currently completing his master's degree in theological studies from Covenant Theological Seminary. Brady and his wife, Carrie, have three children.
List Price: $14.99 Perfect Paperback: 196 pages Publisher: PDS Publishing (2010) Language: English ISBN-10: 0615380611 ISBN-13: 978-0615380612
AND NOW...THE FIRST CHAPTER:
Buckle Up
“Roger, liftoff, and the clock is started.”
- Alan B. Shepard Jr., Astronaut
“It was my fear that made me learn everything I could about my airplane and my emergency equipment, and kept me flying respectful of my machine and always alert in the cockpit.”
- Chuck Yeager, General
The engines roar so loudly you can feel your whole body shake as the fighter jet accelerates down the short runway on the aircraft carrier in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. You can smell the burning fuel. Standing on the deck of the carrier, you can’t even see the fighter pilot inside because his plane is racing by at such an incredible speed. You can, though, sense the power of the great plane and the intensity of the takeoff. Just seconds before, the jet was calmly stationed at the end of the carrier, along with a few other ones. But now, just seconds later, amidst burning fuel and an awesome display of speed, it’s at the end of the runway and quickly airborne, racing up into the blue sky.
But where is the plane going?
Like the fighter jet, you are also about to accelerate down a short runway and take off on a great adventure with many possible missions and destinations. During your childhood, your life has probably been pretty steady and stable for the last few years. Sure, there have been ups and downs and you’ve changed and grown as a boy, but boyhood is usually marked by very slow and gradual development compared to the upcoming season in your life. But soon, instead of just hanging out at the end of the runway with the other fighter jets, instead of slowly taxiing back and forth on the runway, your life is about to accelerate in a very intense and rapid period called adolescence. And at the end of adolescence, you will take off into the sky for an even greater adventure: manhood.
Any fighter pilot will probably tell you that good preparation before the flight is essential to a successful mission. He has spent thousands of hours learning to fly. He has considered problems he could encounter and maneuvers he could use in those dangerous situations. He has tested and serviced the plane. He has filled it up with fuel. He has studied the specific flight plan, considered the weather, and learned the goal and details of the mission. The takeoff is but a few seconds; the mission is but a few hours; but the preparation is years in the making.
You are a man in the making. Before you race down that runway and head up into the sky, it’s important and wise to make sure you are well prepared and equipped for the flight. You’d better make sure you know how to fly the plane and that it has fuel in it. You’d better know what you’re going to do when you come under enemy attack. And, most importantly, you’d better know what the mission is and where you’re going. It’s easy to get lost in the vast sky without a plan.
Manhood is the same way. You’ll be there before you know it, and if you haven’t done your preparations in advance, you can make a lot of unnecessary mistakes as you’re racing down the runway of adolescence. Not only will you make more mistakes without good preparation now, but you can cause yourself—and others—a lot of harm and heartache as well. You can crash on the runway or take off in the wrong direction, and you might never grow into the sort of man God designed you to be. We don’t want you to crash or fly to the wrong destination or get lost in the sky.
This book is designed to give you a mission and flight plan:
We’ll tell you what your purpose is as a man. We’ll tell you what it means to be a man: what your destination is.
We’ll tell you how to accelerate properly and safely down the short runway of adolescence you are about to begin.
We’ll tell you about some problems you are likely to encounter and how you can defeat them before they make you crash or change your flight plan.
We’ll encourage you to get some good co-pilots and flight instructors and technical staff, both your age and older men, who will support and help you on your journey.
So buckle up! The next few years of your life will be a great adventure. Changes like these are on the way:
Your mind, body, emotions and relationships will be changing in ways that you can’t fully understand until you have experienced them.
You will feel new and more intense passions and desires.
You will think about girls, your friends and your parents differently than you do now, and you will relate to them in new ways.
You will think about yourself differently.
You will long for more independence and new challenges.
You will dream new dreams and develop your own identity.
Every adventure also has its share of difficulties and dangers. Self-esteem often dips during your teenage years (though many boys try to hide that on the outside). While you will enjoy and appreciate the increasing freedoms, they will bring temptations that can be hard to resist, and the consequences for a poor decision can be costly. While your body will grow in size and strength, it can be an awkward process with aches and acne. Girls can make your heart race and your heart break. All in all, adolescence can be like riding a roller coaster with many ups and downs.
In this book, we’ll give you as complete and honest of a look at the journey ahead as we can. We want this to be authentic and cover the real issues and temptations that you will likely encounter in the upcoming months and years. We are addressing the topics that boys tell us are on their minds and that teenage boys say they are struggling with. While some of these topics can be embarrassing or difficult, we believe that it is better to know on the front end what you will probably face, and we want to help equip and prepare you for facing them.
But it’s not just the next few years that we care about. We want you to have a vision for the sort of man God wants you to be when you have passed through the adolescent years. That’s our ultimate goal. If you will set your eyes on the final goal—the sort of man you should become—then that will direct you in how you navigate the teenage years. Approaching challenges with the end result in mind is always the best way to begin. Great coaches begin the season talking about where they want the team to be at the end of the season. They talk about conference championships and bowl games and final rankings.
Coaches give their players a playbook to instruct them on how they want the game to be played. God has given you His playbook to help you navigate through the issues that you will be facing in the next few years. Boys are often surprised to hear that the Bible speaks on so many topics. Drinking, peer pressure, friendships, families, girls, even puberty and sex—the Bible gives us perspective and instruction in these matters. It speaks to the role and responsibilities of men. It tells you the sort of man, husband and father you should be one day. It tells all of us how to approach our work and worship and the girls and women in our lives. It talks about our self-worth, our successes, and the stuff we own, use and want to have. It covers difficulties and failures. It tells us about the forgiveness you can experience for all of our mistakes, including ones you may have already committed. We’ll cover all of these topics in this book.
But even more than covering these topics, the Bible describes God’s love for you. Rather than primarily advice and rules, the Bible, most importantly, is the true story of the good news of how much God loves us and how He is seeking to save us. It’s the good news of what He has done for us rather than what we can do for Him. It’s about what we can receive rather than what we must achieve.
We hope that by helping to develop your thinking about these teenage topics and understanding God’s love, grace and pursuit of us, you will grow in wisdom and stature and favor with God and man. Our desire is that one day you will become a better man, husband and father, and we hope that you will, long before then, deepen your faith and walk with the Lord Jesus Christ; we hope you at least begin to explore questions in your mind and heart about who this God of the Bible is and what He means when He says in Jeremiah 29:11 that He has plans to grow and prosper you.
Questions for Reflection and Discussion
1. What are some of the issues that you think will be difficult for you in the next few years?
2. Does the idea of becoming a man scare you or make you nervous? Why or why not?
3. If you could have one question answered about the road ahead for you, what would it be?
4. Is your dad available to talk with you about adolescence and the journey to manhood? If he is not
available, who could you talk to about this important topic?
5. What do you hope to accomplish by reading and studying this book?
6. What is the best piece of advice your dad, mom, adult leader, coach, or mentor has given you so far?
7. How would you define manhood?
8. Do you view the upcoming years of your life as an adventure or just a regular part of your life? Why or why not?
Thom S. Rainer has a great article here on what millenials want in a leader. Through his article you can learn who our Millenials are and more details about what they are looking for in a leader.
I have a huge heart for Millennials, as Steve and I are raising 3 later born Millennial boys. I love to study articles like Rainers, because it's important to learn about what their generation is seeking.
For me, learning turns into leading. Millenials are looking for gentle spirited mentors, as well as authentic and down-to-earth pastors, politicians and the like. My favorite quality in Millennials is their zero tolerance policy on lying and inauthentic people. If you consistently lack integrity and are manipulative and deceitful, they will leave you. Forever.
Honesty wins every time. It's a good policy to implement for every generation.
In what ways are you leading the Millennial generation?
I'm heading strong into week two of NaNoWriMo. I've never worked this hard, and yet never had so much fun writing. Fiction is a creative blast. I'm at 10,252 words, about 1500 behind. But I intend to catch up today, especially when I stop procrastinating by writing and reading blogs.
My son is participating in his own contest of sorts. While I'm attempting to write 50,000 words in 30 days, he is partaking in No Shave November. Trying to grow 50,000 whiskers in 30 days. I think he's up to about 11,660, so he's right on track. He needs to grow 1,667 whiskers per day.
Yesterday, he caught our youngest son staring at him from the passenger seat, as he backed the car out of the Church parking lot.
"Stop staring at me, I see you looking at my beard."
"It's gross. You really need to shave," Landon said. Turns out he wasn't aware that Keegan is in the "proper care and feeding" of a beard phase.
To Keegan, I say "Way to go son! You make a momma proud. When the whiskers won't come, never give up."
And to myself I say I better wrap this up.
True tip for my fellow WriMo's: French Cafe' on Pandora is the best writing music ever. Period.
I dreaded the start of school, because our oldest is a senior. During the last weeks of summer, he began to frustrate me with his choices. I asked my husband what our son was doing and he said he was asserting his independence. He was getting ready to move on.
"What? He can probably get ready to move on the night before he leaves for college." I said.
My husband gave me a half smile and shook his head, knowing there was no reasoning with me.
I thought about it and decided it was time for the talk. No not the talk, the old dull scissors talk.
So I caught him alone one afternoon and kept it brief.
"This year is going to be very hard on me," I said. "But I don't want to spend it with you trying to prove your independence and us fighting all the time. So I'm simply going to give you a lot of independence and freedom. You bend a little for me and I'll bend a lot for you. I will let you go when it's time for college."
He agreed and seemed relieved.
We'll still disagree and get frustrated with the other's perceived lack of understanding. But I will start cutting the apron strings. (You young ladies can thank me now and later!)
I just never said I'd use the sharp scissors. It's a momma's prerogative.
Well I made it. Monday marked the start of school for the 3 boys. We now have a senior, freshman and freshman in middle school as he likes to call himself. The emotions of "all things back to school" can take their toll, so I have made a handy acrostic to help you survive the start of school.
Starbucks: Right after the little cherubs are safely at school, hit Starbucks or the like. You will be in desperate need of the ever popular stimulant and its positive effects. Caffeine has been proven to increase attentiveness. You'll want to be awake to watch your chick flicks, read your chick-lit, chew a Chiclet and to just be a chick.
Chocolate: It has caffeine.It prevents chick fits. See above.
Hershey's Kisses: Little chocolate drops of love and affirmation. See above.
Organize: Your day around chocolate. If you need a reason, see above.
Object: To anyone who wants to tell you about the negative affects of caffeine. Remind her that no one likes a Negative Nelly.
Lava Cake: The perfect meal any time of day. It packs protein,fats, vitamins and carbs into one heavenly slice. Plus it has antioxidants which have cancer fighting properties.
Follow my SCHOOL acrostic or think chocolate and you'll be just fine.
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